


"We all know you can improvise."

by sereny_mx



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Best Friends, Confessions, Friends to Lovers, Mutual Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-02-01
Packaged: 2019-03-12 00:54:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 11,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13536228
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sereny_mx/pseuds/sereny_mx
Summary: Kihyun and Hyungwon are bandgeeks, best friends, and maybe something more.





	1. Part One

“Dude, what do you reckon?”  
  
Kihyun jumped as Hyungwon elbowed him, none-too-gently, in the ribs. He turned slightly to scowl at his friend. “What?” he hissed quietly, mindful of the performance in front of them. Hyungwon rolled his eyes and pointed towards the stage.  
  
“Him. What do you reckon? Good?”  
  
Kihyun glanced towards the stage where a skinny boy with dreadful hair was attempting to play The Liberty Bell. “I dunno,” he answered with a shrug. “Maybe if he wasn’t so nervous…”  
  
Hyungwon elbowed him again and rolled his eyes when Kihyun glared at him with force. “You’re too nice. He sucks ass.”  
  
Kihyun groaned. “Yeah, because you’re so brilliant. How do you know what sucking ass is like anyway?”  
  
“Well,” Hyungwon started, winking, “you remember that girl from my cousin’s party…”  
  
Kihyun clamped his hands over his ears and shook his head violently. “Not listening! Not listening!” He wondered if he could murder Hyungwon with his eyes alone. During his little hate parade, Kihyun noticed that Hyungwon was laughing and that everyone else was staring at him. Wincing, he removed his hands from his ears.  
  
“Yoo Kihyun, will you shut up and show some respect for the students trying to audition?”   
  
Kihyun felt his anger shrivel under the heated stare he was receiving from one Im Changkyun, sophomore and drum major. Younger than Kihyun, but no less fierce. Kihyun swallowed hard and bowed his head, cheeks hot with embarrassment. “Sorry.”  
  
Changkyun sighed and turned back to the stage. Hyungwon sniggered behind his hand and Kihyun presented him with a sharp slap to his thigh.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Hyungwon said, still sniggering and not sounding the least bit sorry. “I’ll take you out for some disgusting ginseng tea after practice?”  
  
Kihyun rubbed gently at his temples. How did he end up in the same school as Chae Hyungwon, let alone in the same section in the same marching band. “If you hadn’t noticed, I’m not a girl and we are not dating.”  
  
“What?” Hyungwon looked at him like he was some sort of alien. “You’re not a girl? But that ass!”  
  
Kihyun gave up. He stood up to leave but was promptly yanked back down into his seat. Before he could escape or protest, Hyungwon put an arm around him and squished him into a half-hug. “Come on, I’m sorry,” he whispered softly into Kihyun’s ear. “We can just hang out after practice and I’ll pay, okay?”  
  
Kihyun tried to simultaneously lean into Hyungwon’s touch and pull away from it. He let out a noise of frustration. “Fine. But I want cake too.”  
  
Hyungwon smiled against his ear before he sat back. “Whatever you say, babe.”  
  
Kihyun took a deep breath and turned back to face the next student standing nervously on stage. He entertained thoughts of beating Hyungwon with his clarinet, then shoving it where the sun doesn’t shine.   
  
-  
  
As it turned out, hanging out after practice was pretty awesome. Kihyun and Hyungwon met up with a few friends from band and headed into town to their favourite over-priced coffee shop. Not that Kihyun minded – he hadn’t forgotten Hyungwon’s promise to pay.   
  
“I need to think before I speak,” Hyungwon muttered as he handed over the money for his iced coffee, Kihyun’s tea and a large piece of carrot cake. Kihyun just smiled his best angelic smile.   
  
“I see Kihyun got away with it again.”  
  
Kihyun looked up from his cake and grinned as he joined their friends at a table. The boy who had just spoken was Wonho – senior, pretty, hard as nails. Tambourine. No one messed with him.   
  
"Hyungwon was being mean,” Kihyun said with an exaggerated pout. “So he bought me cake.”  
  
“My poor allowance,” Hyungwon mourned, sitting down opposite Kihyun and sighing dramatically. “Drained by cake and disgusting health drinks.”  
  
Another of their friends, Hyunwoo, snorted and patted Hyungwon on the arm. Hyunwoo was better friends with Kihyun, but he pretty much got on with anyone. Kihyun envied his ease with people. Hyunwoo played the tuba and so commanded a lot of respect – not just anyone could carry round a huge hunk of metal _and_ play it well.   
  
Kihyun dug his fork into the cake and took a bite. “Mmm,” he moaned. “So good.”  
  
Hyungwon kicked him under the table. “No cakegasm in public, please.”  
  
“Shut up.” Kihyun kicked him right back.   
  
“Hyunwoo, save me,” Wonho pleaded. “They’ve started.”  
  
Hyungwon stuck out his bottom lip and fixed Kihyun with liquid eyes. “Seeing as I apologised and paid, you should let me have at least half of that cake.”  
  
Kihyun snorted in disgust. “The puppy eyes won’t work on me anymore. Sucks to be you. And don’t even think about making that into a dirty joke.”  
  
Hyungwon closed his mouth and pouted even harder than before. “Pleeeeease?” he whined, staring at Kihyun with deep, imploring eyes. Kihyun tried not to shiver under Hyungwon’s gaze. It was kind of hard though, with Hyungwon biting his lip and lowering his eyelids.   
  
“Fine!” Kihyun said quickly. He looked away, face flushing, and stabbed a forkful of cake for Hyungwon with more force than was probably necessary. “If it’ll stop you whining like a three year old, here you go.” He held the fork out and purposely didn’t watch as Hyungwon slid his mouth and tongue over the treat.  
  
“Yummy,” Hyungwon said as he pulled back, half-muffled with cake.   
  
Kihyun frowned and shoved more cake into his own mouth to cover his embarrassment.   
  
“Indirect kiss,” Wonho said flippantly. Kihyun flicked cake crumbs at him.   
  
When Wonho began flicking drops of cold coffee at Kihyun, Hyunwoo decided it was time to step in. “Children!” he said loudly. “Stop that or you’ll all have to sit in the naughty corner.”  
  
“Hyungwon lives there,” Kihyun muttered darkly. Hyungwon laughed, pleased. Wonho punched Hyunwoo in the arm.   
  
“Anyway,” Hyunwoo continued, rubbing his arm, “you all ready for the game next week?”  
  
Hyungwon leant back in his seat, foot tapping against Kihyun’s under the table. “Sure am,” he said comfortably. “I think it’ll be a good one.”  
  
“Confident, aren’t you?” Wonho teased, poking Hyungwon in the cheek.   
  
“Like you guys don’t know it’ll be great," Hyungwon said with a raised eyebrow.  
  
“Yeah,” Kihyun interjected, “but we don’t all act like smug bastards about it.”  
  
Hyunwoo laughed and Hyungwon smiled wickedly. Kihyun instantly regretted opening his mouth. “Whatever,” Hyungwon dismissed. “I bring people to their knees with my sax.”  
  
Kihyun groaned and resisted the urge to smack his head against the table. “You only started playing so you could say that.”  
  
“Oh yeah,” Hyungwon retorted, “because I was totally thinking about that when I was eight.”   
  
“I wouldn’t be surprised,” Kihyun said. He grinned at Hyunwoo and they shared an enthusiastic high five.   
  
“It’s okay, Hyungwon,” Wonho consoled, “we all know that you’ve turned perversion into an art form.”  
  
Kihyun glanced at his watch and sighed. He pushed his chair back and stood up. “As much as I’d love to stay and talk about Hyungwon’s fall from grace, I’ve gotta get home for dinner.”  
  
“Aww, I wanted to watch you and Hyungwon flirt for a bit longer,” Wonho said sadly.   
  
“We do not—“  
  
“He’s just joking,” Hyunwoo cut in gently, squeezing Kihyun’s hand. “Ignore him. Just bitter because he got turned down last week. Twice.”  
  
Wonho glared at Hyunwoo. “Whatever.”   
  
Kihyun swallowed down a smile and looked at Hyungwon. “Still staying over tomorrow night?”  
  
Hyungwon nodded. “You bet. Is your dad making pizza?”  
  
“Sleepover?” Wonho said, instantly perking up. “Pizza?”  
  
Kihyun coughed. “Uh, sorry. You know what my parents are like. One at a time. And yes, Hyungwon, there will be pizza.”  
  
Hyungwon let out a whoop of joy while Wonho wilted in his chair once again. Hyunwoo ruffled his hair. “Nevermind, Wonho. How about I come over and we’ll harass your step-sisters?”  
  
Everyone laughed when Wonho perked up again.   
  
-  
  
Kihyun laughed through a mouth full of pizza as someone’s head exploded on the screen. “Dude, stop being such a wuss. You need to watch this.”  
  
Hyungwon stayed resolutely behind his cushion, stuffing his face with pizza under the protection of his makeshift shield. “You can call me whatever you want, I am not mentally scarring myself for no good reason.”  
  
Kihyun looked over at him and rolled his eyes. “But it’s funny!” He threw a crust at Hyungwon for good measure. Another head exploded all over the female lead’s rather impressive bosom. Kihyun laughed again, spraying bits of pizza and god knows what all over himself.   
  
Hyungwon watched him with disgusted interest. “Why do so many girls think you’re cute?”  
  
“Huh?” Kihyun replied eloquently, staring at Hyungwon with his mouth open and half a slice of pizza hanging out of it.   
  
Hyungwon smiled. “Never mind. Who could resist those doe eyes, even with half-masticated dough hanging out your mouth.”  
  
Kihyun swallowed and frowned at him. “What are you talking about? Speak a language I understand.”  
  
Hyungwon groped for the remote, still protecting his eyes with the cushion. He changed the channel and sighed in relief, tossing away the temporary faceguard. “Hey!” Kihyun protested loudly. “I was watching that!”  
  
“It was too much for my poor innocent mind,” Hyungwon said. “Plus—“ he glanced at the screen, “—Dancing on ice is way better.”  
  
Kihyun flopped back into the couch and frowned at the sparkly-clothed men spinning around on the ice. Hyungwon was insane for picking this over exploding heads.   
  
“Why don’t you have a girlfriend?” Hyungwon asked suddenly.  
  
Kihyun turned his head to look at Hyungwon wearily. “Not this again, Hyungwon. You know I don’t care about that stuff.”  
  
Hyungwon held his hands up in defence. “I’m just asking. I don’t understand it. You’ve got some really pretty girls fawning over you and you’re telling me you’re not interested?”  
  
Kihyun felt a blush creeping up his neck. “I didn’t say I wasn’t interested,” he said quickly. “I just don’t have time, what with band and schoolwork. And I’ve seen all the grief Wonho gets from girls. Who wants that?”  
  
Hyungwon studied him for a moment. Kihyun shifted awkwardly under the intense stare. “What? Is there sauce on my face?”  
  
“I can’t tell,” Hyungwon said, breaking out of his trance. “Your face is always the colour of sauce.”  
  
Kihyun smacked him in the face with a cushion. “Asshole. Why don’t _you_ have a girlfriend?”  
  
Hyungwon removed the offending upholstery and shrugged. Kihyun was surprised at the lack of greasy smile. “No girls are catching my eye at the moment.”  
  
Kihyun’s stomach jumped and he scowled down at it. “You feeling okay?” Hyungwon asked. “Too much pizza?”  
  
Looking up, Kihyun shook his head. “I’m fine, but—“ he caught the time on the bottom of the television screen, “—We should sleep. School tomorrow.”  
  
Hyungwon groaned and heaved himself up from the couch. “Why must you remind me? We’ve got another practice tomorrow as well.” He leant over to switch the television off and eyed Kihyun, still sat on the sofa. “I thought you wanted to sleep?”  
  
“I do,” Kihyun said. “But I ate so much pizza that I’m a giant, fat blob and now I can’t move.”  
  
“Oh, okay,” Hyungwon said cheerfully. “Goodnight, then.” He waved at Kihyun and headed towards the stairs.  
  
“You suck!” Kihyun whisper-yelled after him. He rolled off the sofa and dragged himself up the stairs. The sound of running water reached his ears, putting Hyungwon in the bathroom. Kihyun headed to his room and started unrolling Hyungwon's sleeping bag. It was actually Kihyun’s own, but Hyungwon stayed over so much that Kihyun had pretty much designated it as his.   
  
“Is it weird that I have a toothbrush at your house?” Hyungwon said, wandering in and half scaring the crap out of Kihyun.   
  
“Why would it be weird?” Kihyun stood up and threw a pillow onto the floor for Hyungwon. “It’s better than you using mine. Gross.” He shuddered at the memory.  
  
Hyungwon grinned. “You didn’t like sharing spit with me?”  
  
“Shut up unless you want regurgitated pizza all over your face. I’m going to pee.” Kihyun pushed past Hyungwon and stalked across the hall into the bathroom. He used the facilities and then set about washing his face and brushing his teeth. Kihyun looked into the mirror above the sink as he brushed furiously. He and Hyungwon were good friends. They were close, had been for years, and Kihyun trusted Hyungwon completely. But sometimes Hyungwon pushed a little too far, tested their friendship too much. Kihyun spat into the basin and rinsed, willing his thoughts to swirl down in the plughole with the remainder of his toothpaste.  
  
Back in Kihyun’s room, Hyungwon was snug inside the sleeping bag, his nose, eyes and forehead just peeping out of the top. Kihyun smiled at the familiar sight. “Cute,” he said, closing the door and climbing across Hyungwon to flop onto his bed.   
  
“You’re cuter,” Hyungwon said, muffled by the sleeping bag. Kihyun could tell he was smiling by the crinkled eyes.  
  
“Thanks. Goodnight.” Kihyun turned off the light and rolled over, smiling to himself as Hyungwon echoed the word back at him softly.  
  
-  
  
Halfway through the night, Kihyun woke up suddenly as his bed shook violently beneath him.   
  
“Sorry,” Hyungwon whispered. Kihyun’s barely-conscious brain just about registered their close proximity.  
  
“What are you doing?” he mumbled, blinking and trying to locate Hyungwon in the darkness. “Why’re you in my bed?”  
  
Hyungwon turned over and Kihyun felt their legs brush together under the covers. “I couldn’t sleep. I’m sorry, do you want me to leave?”  
  
Kihyun sighed, heavy and sleepy. He reached out and squeezed Hyungwon’s nearest available limb. “S’okay. If you can rest… just this once.”  
  
“Thanks,” Hyungwon said. “I’ll try not to cling.”  
  
Kihyun snuggled back down and closed his eyes. “Tell anyone about this and you’re dead.”  
  
Hyungwon laughed and Kihyun smiled at the sound. He was already drifting off again and when he did, he dreamt of open doors and easy smiles and Miles Davis.   
  
When they woke up cuddled together, neither said anything. Hyungwon grinned at him, face marked with sleep, and Kihyun didn’t feel weird at all.   
  
-  
  
“Who hid my fucking tambourine?”   
  
Kihyun looked up from the music sheet he and Hyungwon were studying. “What?”  
  
“My fucking tambourine! Who hid it?” Wonho practically growled, stalking around the room and peering under chairs.  
  
Kihyun raised an eyebrow at Hyungwon. “Was it you?” he whispered. Hyungwon smiled in a way that Kihyun supposed he should interpret as innocent. He wasn’t buying it. “It was you.”  
  
“Shh!” Hyungwon hissed, still smiling. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. But if Wonho thinks he’s looking in the right room, he’s wrong.”  
  
Kihyun snorted and shoved at Hyungwon’s shoulder, both of them sniggering like a couple of naughty boys. Which, Kihyun mused, they probably were.  
  
“What are you two lovebirds whispering about?” Wonho demanded, throwing himself down in a chair next to Kihyun. “I bet Jooheon hid my tambourine, the jealous little bitch.”  
  
“Shin Wonho!” Changkyun’s booming voice cut across the room. “If I hear you swear one more time, I’m going to shove your tambourine so far up your backside that you’ll be coughing bells for a week. As soon as you find it.”  
  
Hyungwon snorted extra loud and tried to disguise it as a sneeze. “Way to go, Im!”  
  
“And you can shut up too.”  
  
Kihyun scratched his nose to hide his grin. “Owned,” he said under his breath. Hyungwon opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted as Hyunwoo lumbered into the room armed with his tuba, a tambourine and a very confused expression.  
  
“Wonho? Why was your tambourine in my locker?” Hyunwoo set down his tuba carefully and waved the tambourine at Wonho for emphasis.   
  
Wonho winced. “You’re doing it wrong!”  
  
Kihyun and Hyungwon shared a knowing look and both stood up. “We’re going to practice somewhere a bit quieter,” Hyungwon announced, grabbing the sheet music and his saxophone. Kihyun picked up his clarinet from its stand and started to follow Hyungwon out of the door.   
  
Wonho paused from trying to wrestle his beloved tambourine from Hyunwoo’s grip. “Go fuck against a piano or something!”  
  
“Shin Wonho!”  
  
Kihyun and Hyungwon bolted from the room as a livid Changkyun stalked towards Wonho. “C4?” Kihyun whispered. Hyungwon nodded and ushered them into the biggest individual practice room. It was only empty because everyone else was in the main classroom. Hyungwon closed the door behind them and Kihyun sighed in relief. He leant against the piano and Wonho’s words echoed in his head. He frowned. “Why is hyung so crude?”  
  
Hyungwon looked up from spreading his sheet music out and smiled. “He doesn’t mean it.”  
  
“Then why does he say it? Sometimes I think he hates me,” Kihyun said absently, gripping his clarinet tightly.   
  
“How could anyone hate you?” Hyungwon teased, kicking Kihyun’s foot gently. “I think he’s just jealous of our friendship. Not that he’d ever say it.”  
  
Kihyun sighed. “Whatever. Let’s practice.”  
  
Shrugging, Hyungwon shifted over so Kihyun could see the music. They started to play. Kihyun forgot all about Wonho and his confusing jibes and concentrated on the smooth sound of Hyungwon’s saxophone, the way their instruments blended together. Kihyun loved music. For someone with so many words, Kihyun often found it hard to express himself. But then there was music, and Kihyun found he didn’t need to struggle for words anymore.   
  
He hadn’t even realised that Hyungwon had stopped playing until he felt eyes on him. Pausing with a stumbled squeak, Kihyun yanked the clarinet out of his mouth and flushed. “Sorry,” he said sheepishly.  
  
Hyungwon grinned and shoved his shoulder lightly. “Yeah, alright, Mr Natural Talent. We all know you can improvise.”  
  
Kihyun winced. “I didn’t mean to. I was thinking.”  
  
“I know,” Hyungwon reassured, grin gentling to a genuine smile. “I love it when you play from the heart.”  
  
“I love it when you play, too,” Kihyun blurted out. Hyungwon’s smile widened and Kihyun didn’t miss the tinge of pink in his cheeks. “Play the piano for me?” Kihyun asked, wanting to distract himself from Hyungwon’s happy eyes.   
  
“Demanding,” Hyungwon whined. He sat down at the piano anyway, handing his saxophone to Kihyun. Kihyun laughed as Hyungwon started playing a jazzy version of the Spiderman theme tune. He sang along anyway, even though he secretly preferred Batman.   
  
A knock at the door startled Kihyun out of singing. Hyungwon, however, wasn’t bothered, his fingers sliding over the keys without so much as a pause. Changkyun’s head poked around the door. “We’re ready for group practice now,” he said with a brief smile. “I need you two back in there before I really do make Wonho choke on those bells.”  
  
Hyungwon turned and smiled at Changkyun, a happy little tune tinkling out of the piano. “Sure thing, boss.”  
  
“Remember, party at mine this Saturday. You guys need to relax before the game.” Changkyun winked at them and closed the door.   
  
Hyungwon did a little victory dance. Kihyun laughed at him. “Stop that, it doesn’t work.” He didn’t mention that Hyungwon shaking his flat butt was sort of cute, in a stupid way.  
  
“Sorry, we can’t all be Kylie Minogue,” Hyungwon said, stopping his flailing and poking Kihyun in the chest.  
  
“Who?” Kihyun said, confused.   
  
Hyungwon rolled his eyes. “She’s short with a perfect ass.” He ducked as Kihyun tried to slap him upside the head.   
  
They shoved and poked each other all the way back to the main classroom. In the middle of the second song, Hyungwon winked at Kihyun and Kihyun had to focus on not improvising.  
  
-  
  
“Should I have brought a date?” Kihyun said, fidgeting and smoothing down the sides of his hair as he and Hyungwon made their way to Changkyun’s house.  
  
“You’ve got me,” Hyungwon said, shooting Kihyun a sly grin. “Why would you need a date?”  
  
“Hyungwon,” Kihyun whined. “Wonho is going to give me so much shit for this.”  
  
Hyungwon licked his lips and shrugged. “Wonho doesn’t have a date either.”  
  
Kihyun frowned at him and rubbed his nose in frustration.   
  
“Come on,” Hyungwon laughed, “we’re band geeks, remember? We’re not supposed to have dates.”  
  
“Speak for yourself,” Kihyun huffed. “You said loads of girls like me. And the thing you did at your cousin’s party…” he trailed off, blushing. Hyungwon laughed loudly and Kihyun couldn’t help his smile. “What number does Im live at?” he asked, desperate to stop embarrassing himself.   
  
“Fourteen.”  
  
Kihyun pointed to a house across the street. “Think it’s that one?” All the lights were on, music blasting out of every open window.   
  
Hyungwon snorted. “Good work, Watson.”  
  
“How do you get to be Sherlock Holmes?”  
  
Hyungwon beamed winningly. “You’re my short side-kick.”  
  
Kihyun decided to let Hyungwon win just once – he kicked Hyungwon in the leg and darted across the road to Changkyun’s house.   
  
  
  
Inside, the music wasn’t as loud as Kihyun first thought. There were loads of people there – all the kids from band, and a bunch of others he didn’t even know. Apparently Changkyun had even more friends than Hyungwon.   
  
“Boo!”  
  
Kihyun jumped as Hyunwoo grabbed him from behind, one arm slung over Kihyun’s shoulders. “Hyung, you scared the crap out of me.”  
  
Hyunwoo smiled and handed Kihyun a cup of something. Coke-coloured and suspiciously strong smelling. “Sorry. Who did you come with?”  
  
"Hyungwon,” Kihyun answered, distracted by the burning in his throat as he took a long drink from the cup. “What the heck is this? Poison?”  
  
“The more you drink, the better it tastes,” Wonho said, cutting in and appearing in front of Kihyun’s eyes as if out of nowhere. “So I hear you came with Hyungwon.”  
  
Kihyun opened his mouth to protest when Hyungwon slid an arm around Wonho’s waist and kissed him on the cheek. “Jealousy doesn’t become you, hyung,” he said, sending Kihyun a conspiratorial wink. Kihyun scowled in response and decided he needed another drink. He pushed through a crowd of giggling girls and headed towards the kitchen.   
  
  
  
Two hours later, Kihyun was clinging to a doorframe and thinking that maybe he’d had one too many tequila shots. He’d felt weird when Hyungwon kissed Wonho’s cheek, and tried to drown the feelings in as many drinks as he could get hold of. It was probably just childish jealousy, he supposed. Hyungwon was his best friend but he never kissed Kihyun.   
  
“Kihyun?”  
  
Kihyun slid down the doorframe a bit and shook his head. Now Hyungwon was even talking to him via telepathy, he thought drunkenly.   
  
“Kihyun, what are you doing down there?”  
  
Kihyun looked up and squinted at Hyungwon through hazy vision. “Why’re you a giant?” he slurred. Giant Hyungwon laughed and crouched down in front of Kihyun. “Oh,” Kihyun said. “Now you’re normal.”  
  
Hyungwon snorted and pulled Kihyun up carefully. “Are you drunk?”  
  
Kihyun pointed at himself innocently. “Me? Nooo. Drunk on life!” he declared, throwing his arms out and grinning. He watched as Hyungwon tilted sideways. “Stop moving,” he said, waving his arms and trying to get Hyungwon to stand still.  
  
Hyungwon giggled and grabbed onto Kihyun’s shoulders. “Oh my god, you’re wasted.”  
  
Kihyun clung to Hyungwon and looked him in the eye. “Don’t tell my mom,” he whispered seriously.   
  
Hyungwon hugged Kihyun close and giggled again. “I won’t, I promise. Why don’t you dance with Wonho?”  
  
Kihyun pulled back, albeit a little shakily. “What? Why?”  
  
“Because he’s so terrible that it might make you focus on staying upright.”  
  
Even in his drunken stupor, Kihyun managed to raise an eyebrow. “Does that make sense?”  
  
Hyungwon steered them through to the living room where a makeshift disco had been fashioned. Hyunwoo was flicking the lights on and off and laughing stupidly. Kihyun suspected that he wasn’t the only drunk one.   
  
“Wonho!” Hyungwon yelled. “Kihyun wants to dance with you!”  
  
Kihyun found himself being pushed towards Wonho, who was spinning slowly in a circle and making weird rolling motions with his shoulders. He held his arms out when he spotted Kihyun. “Kihyun, my baby! Come and dance with hyung.”  
  
“But, Hyungwon?” Kihyun turned but Hyungwon was gone. Probably off to find some poor innocent girl to hit on, Kihyun thought darkly. Probably the cute girl who played the flute and flirted with Hyungwon all the time.   
  
“C’mere baby,” Wonho murmured. He pulled Kihyun into a hug. Kihyun wrapped his arms around Wonho’s back and hung on tight as they stumbled around in little circles. “What’s on your mind that you’re so drunk, hmm?”  
  
Kihyun blinked and tried to focus his eyes as the room spun around them. “Why doesn’t Hyungwon kiss me?” he said suddenly. “He kisses you.”  
  
Wonho pulled back and stared at Kihyun. “What?”  
  
Kihyun felt the colour drain from his face. “Wonho, I think I’m going to—“ He was cut off as Wonho turned him around and propelled him into Changkyun’s backyard. He was bent over a bush and promptly emptied the contents of his stomach over a gorgeous flower bed. “Oh shit,” Kihyun moaned between surges.   
  
Wonho touched Kihyun’s back, thumb stroking over the knobs of his spine. “Feel better?” he asked gently.   
  
“No,” Kihyun answered miserably. He coughed a few times and then slumped down clumsily on the floor. “I feel like someone just ran me over. Twice.”  
  
Wonho eased down next to Kihyun on the grass and smiled knowingly. “Imagine how you’ll feel in the morning.”  
  
“Thanks for the kind words, hyung,” Kihyun groaned. He sat forward with his head between his knees. “Why did I drink so much?”  
  
“Because you want Hyungwon to kiss you?” Wonho said nonchalantly, deliberately looking away when Kihyun's head shot up.  
  
“What?”  
  
Wonho glanced back at him and shrugged. “You just asked me why Hyungwon doesn’t kiss you.”  
  
Kihyun ran his fingers through his hair nervously. “Did I? It must have been the drink,” he said, wishing his thoughts would stop rushing around his head. The mix of alcohol and hormones wasn’t entirely too pleasant.  
  
Wonho looked away again. He pulled a packet of cigarettes and a lighter out of the pocket of his jeans. “Want one?” he asked, offering the packet to Kihyun. Kihyun wrinkled his nose and declined. Wonho nodded and lit up, leaning back on one hand as he smoked. “You know Hyungwon thinks you like me.”  
  
Kihyun stared at him in drunken disbelief. “He what?”  
  
“I know, right?” Wonho chuckled and blew out a wispy plume of smoke. “He told me earlier that he thinks you’ve got a crush on me.”  
  
Kihyun shifted awkwardly on the grass. “Uh, I do like you, hyung. I just don’t—“  
  
Wonho cut him off with a pointed look. “I know that, you idiot. I’m absolutely not your type, and I’ve seen the way you look at Hyungwon. You’ve only got eyes for him.”  
  
“Why do you always do that?” Kihyun snapped, suddenly irritated. “What’s your obsession with Hyungwon and me?”  
  
Wonho stubbed out his cigarette on the floor. He slid closer to Kihyun and put an arm around his shoulders. “I know I make crude and unfair comments. I just. I can’t help it sometimes. I’m a little jealous.”  
  
Kihyun unconsciously leant into Wonho’s embrace. “Of what?” he said incredulously. “Hyungwon kisses you!”  
  
That made Wonho laugh and squeeze Kihyun tight. “It’s not about kissing, Kihyun. It’s stupid and childish, but I knew you first and yet here you are, best friends with Hyungwon as soon as you meet him.”  
  
Kihyun suddenly had the urge for another drink. Then maybe the uncomfortable feeling in his gut would go away. “Hyung, I don’t know what to say. Hyungwon, he…”  
  
“Do you like him, Kihyun? The way that you don’t like me?” Wonho asked, smiling behind his hand with a warmth Kihyun had never really noticed before.   
  
“I—“ he hesitated, brain still full of cheap soju and vodka and too many thoughts. “He’s my best friend, hyung. He likes girls. And I’m a boy.”  
  
“That doesn’t answer my question though, does it?” Wonho regarded Kihyun with kind eyes. “Do you like him? It’s nothing to be ashamed of. You can tell me.”  
  
Kihyun pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes and sighed heavily. “I want him to kiss me, hyung. Sometimes I think he’s going to do it and my heart feels all funny and then my head gets all fuzzy. But then nothing happens and I feel stupid because Hyungwon is just… _Hyungwon_ , you know? He’s so nice and kind and—“ Kihyun clapped a hand over his mouth, effectively cutting himself off from blurting anymore nonsense to Wonho. “I’m sorry! Forget I just rambled all about that. I, uh…”  
  
Wonho pried Kihyun’s hand away and held it in his own. “You should talk to him about it, Kihyun. I know he’d understand.”  
  
Kihyun yanked his hand back and vehemently shook his head. “No! All I’d get is pity. And I don’t even know if I like him or if we’re too close. It’s stupid. Forget I said anything.”  
  
“Kihyun…” Wonho frowned. Kihyun stared down at the grass and Wonho let out a soft sigh. “Come on, we need to clean you up a bit.” He stood up and pulled Kihyun up by the armpits.   
  
Kihyun swayed on the spot for a second. The drunk feelings came back with force as he tried to walk back through into Changkyun’s house. He flinched when Wonho’s warm arms wrapped around him. “Hopeless,” Wonho whispered quietly. “Upstairs. You can brush your teeth and then you’ll feel better.”  
  
Kihyun let himself be guided up the stairs. He tripped twice; once on a passed out senior and once on a paper cup. Wonho giggled into his ear and pushed him into the bathroom. “Here,” he said, handing Kihyun a toothbrush. “Use it and we’ll throw it away. No one has to know.”  
  
Kihyun wrinkled his nose in disdain. “But—“  
  
“Do you want to taste like puke all night?” Wonho interrupted with a raised brow. Kihyun sighed in resignation and began brushing his teeth. He peered into the mirror and frowned. His face was flushed in patches and his hair was a complete mess. Spitting into the sink, Kihyun turned the cold tap on high and splashed water over his heated skin.   
  
“Feel better?” Wonho asked. He ran his fingers through the running water and smoothed them through Kihyun’s hair, trying to tame it into some semblance of style.   
  
Kihyun nodded and turned the tap off. “A bit. Still drunk, but minty fresh.” He smiled at Wonho. “Thank you, hyung.”  
  
Wonho smiled in response and reached to open the bathroom door. “You should find him. If you won’t tell him how you feel, at least assure him that he’s got it wrong about you and me. He’ll hound me forever if you don’t set him straight.”  
  
“Okay,” Kihyun sighed. “I’ll try.” He hesitated awkwardly for a moment. “Really, hyung, thank you. Um, I’m sorry that you—“   
  
Wonho cut him off with a tight hug. Kihyun reciprocated, shy hands coming up to stroke Wonho’s back. “You’re welcome,” Wonho whispered. “Go look for your boy.”  
  
Kihyun pulled away, heat flushing his cheeks. He turned and caught sight of Hyungwon’s hair through a crowd of people on the stairs. Kihyun sighed - at least he wouldn’t have to look very far.   
  
  
  
Kihyun caught up with Hyungwon just as he was opening Changkyun’s front door. “Hyungwon!” he yelled, stumbling over a pair of shoes on the floor. “Ouch. Crap. Hyungwon, wait up!”  
  
Hyungwon turned and smiled. He seemed surprised to see Kihyun. “Hey you. Still wasted?”  
  
Kihyun punched him in the arm. Or tried to. “Uh, maybe.”  
  
Hyungwon laughed and grabbed Kihyun’s hand to keep him steady. “Luckily you’re an adorably dumb drunk.”  
  
Kihyun pouted at that. He glanced down at their joined hands and felt his heart go all funny again. His stomach twisted, and for a moment Kihyun thought he was going to be sick again. Then he realised what it was. “Hyungwon,” he said quietly, “I need to tell you something.”  
  
Hyungwon frowned, concern etched across his features. “What’s up?”  
  
Kihyun was silent as he pulled Hyungwon away from the house to a dark spot on the sidewalk. He let go of Hyungwon’s hand as soon as they stood still, glad that Hyungwon couldn’t see his heated face or hear just how hard his heart was pounding.   
  
“Kihyun,” Hyungwon murmured, moving closer, “you didn’t even put shoes on. You’ll get cold.”  
  
Kihyun looked down at his feet in surprise. He hadn’t even noticed. “It’s okay,” he said absently. “I’m drunk.”  
  
Hyungwon chuckled. “No shit, Sherlock.”  
  
“I thought I was Watson?”   
  
Hyungwon cuffed Kihyun on the chin and rolled his eyes. “What did you want to tell me, all the way out here in the dark? I thought you were having fun with Wonho.”  
  
Kihyun looked up sharply. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”  
  
A warm smile curved Hyungwon’s lips. “It’s okay, Kihyun. I know, and I’m totally cool with it.”  
  
“You do? You are?” Kihyun shifted awkwardly from foot to foot. “How?”  
  
“Well I’d kinda been getting some vibes before, you know? But the past few days really confirmed it.” Hyungwon’s smile widened as he spoke.  
  
 _It’s because I let him in my bed_ , Kihyun thought in panic. _I should have kicked him out. Now he knows._ “Why didn’t you say anything?” he said desperately.   
  
“Why didn’t _you_?” Hyungwon countered. “I couldn’t just out you!”  
  
“How could I just tell you,” Kihyun moaned. He covered his face with his hands. “This is so embarrassing.” He jumped when he felt Hyungwon’s hand grip his shoulder.  
  
“I know it’s a little awkward because he’s our friend, but I’m okay with it. I’m sure everyone else will be.” Hyungwon smiled at Kihyun encouragingly. “Don’t be embarrassed.”  
  
Kihyun felt the colour drain from his face. “He?”  
  
Hyungwon blinked in confusion. "Wonho… right?”  
  
“What about him?” Kihyun whispered, a sense of dread welling up inside him.   
  
“I thought that…” Hyungwon trailed off, brows knitting together with even more confusion. “You always talk about him. And then you were outside together tonight. I saw you hug as you came out of the bathroom just now. I just assumed—“  
  
“I don’t like Wonho hyung like that,” Kihyun interrupted. “What made you think I did? He told me you were trying to set us up.”  
  
Hyungwon took a step backwards in defence. “Hey, you always bring him up in conversation, complaining about how you think he hates you. And that time in the practice room, we were talking about him and then you got all distracted after and started improvising. I know what that means, Kihyun. I’m not stupid.”  
  
 _You are_ , Kihyun thought heatedly, _I was thinking about you, you idiot. Are you blind?_ His head spun with alcohol and the headache he was getting from the conversation taking a wrong turn. “Well I don’t like him,” he said through clenched teeth, “so stop interfering.”   
  
Hyungwon nibbled on his lower lip and then said, “I’m sorry, Kihyun. Really. I didn’t know I’d got it wrong.”  
  
“Really wrong,” Kihyun sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration.  
  
“Hey look, I’m sorry if I offended you by implying you might like a boy, okay?” Hyungwon said defensively. “It’s not like you’ve had a girlfriend ever.”  
  
Kihyun stared at him. “Not having a girlfriend makes me gay?”  
  
“No, I didn’t—“ Hyungwon paused and rubbed his hands over his face, “I’m sorry, that came out wrong. You know I don’t think like that.” He sighed and gave Kihyun a weak smile. “Look we’ve both been drinking and I just made an idiot of myself. I’m gonna go home and sleep. We can talk tomorrow, okay?”  
  
Kihyun said nothing as Hyungwon turned and started to walk away. He felt stupid and embarrassed and slightly panicky that he’d just inadvertently told Hyungwon his biggest secret. And then Hyungwon had the audacity to leave. “Don’t just go!” Kihyun shouted, uncaring of the time or volume of his voice. “You can’t walk away from an argument and expect everything to be okay after some sleep.”  
  
Hyungwon stopped and Kihyun watched his shoulder’s slump. When he turned back, Hyungwon wasn’t smiling. He walked slowly back towards Kihyun. “Are you trying to pick a fight, Kihyun? You know I hate arguing with you. And you’re drunk.”  
  
“I know,” Kihyun admitted. The panic was fading now that Hyungwon wasn’t walking away from him anymore. “I just want to make sure that you know I don’t like Wonho hyung that way.”  
  
Hyungwon sighed. “You don’t have the hots for Wonho hyung and you’re not gay. I get it. I’m sorry.”  
  
“No, that’s not what I’m trying to say,” Kihyun ground out, irritated with both Hyungwon and himself. “You’re not listening.”  
  
“What? Kihyun, I don’t hear you trying to say anything. I’m too tired for this, we should just—“  
  
“You can’t,” Kihyun pleaded. He stepped forward and grasped Hyungwon’s shoulders. “You can’t just leave after I… after I…”  
  
“After you what, Kihyun? I don’t get what you’re trying to say.” Hyungwon’s eyes creased with concern as he held gently onto Kihyun’s elbows. “What’s wrong?”  
  
Kihyun pushed forward, his arms folding between them, and kissed Hyungwon. Eyes open and startlingly sober, Kihyun pressed his mouth against Hyungwon’s. Hyungwon's lips were warm and dry and Kihyun felt sheer terror freeze in his chest. Until Hyungwon’s eyes fluttered shut and his arms slipped around Kihyun’s waist. Their mouths softened against one another’s and Kihyun let his own eyes fall closed. The funny feeling in his heart was back, but it was warm as Hyungwon tipped Kihyun’s head back, opened his mouth and moaned. Kihyun jerked away in surprise.   
  
“You taste like mint,” Hyungwon said breathlessly.   
  
Kihyun couldn’t take his eyes off Hyungwon’s lips. “I puked.”  
  
“What?” Hyungwon laughed. “And you’re kissing me?”  
  
Kihyun decided to forego any further stalling, and kissed Hyungwon again. Now that the fear was gone, all Kihyun felt was happiness as Hyungwon kissed the living daylights out of him. Hyungwon’s mouth was wet and warm and wonderful and he kept doing something amazing with his tongue that had Kihyun weak at the knees. He tried to copy it and Hyungwon moaned into his mouth again, long and wanting. Kihyun slid his fingers into Hyungwon’s hair and pressed closer and when Hyungwon’s hand cupped his backside, Kihyun groaned and twisted. Their groins came into contact and Kihyun felt the reactions of both their bodies.  
  
He pulled back as fear gripped him again. “Oh my god.” He untangled himself from Hyungwon and stumbled back. “What are we doing?”  
  
Hyungwon blinked at him and licked his lips. “Kihyun, it’s okay,” he said hoarsely, sounding totally well-kissed. “It’s okay.”  
  
Kihyun touched at his kiss-swollen mouth and shook his head. “No, it’s not okay. How could I… When we’re both drunk…”  
  
“We are drunk,” Hyungwon said, trying to pull Kihyun closer, “but it’s okay.”  
  
“Stop saying that,” Kihyun hissed. “It’s not. You don’t even. Go home. I can’t—“  
  
Kihyun turned and ran as fast as he could. It wasn’t meant to go like that. Yoo Kihyun didn’t get drunk and he definitely didn’t kiss his best friend who he’d secretly long-harboured a crush on.   
  
“Kihyun!” Hyungwon yelled behind him. His voice sounded far away. “You’re not wearing any shoes!”  
  
But Kihyun didn’t care. He didn’t hear. He only ran faster, willing away the memory of Hyungwon’s touch with every choking breath.


	2. Part Two

When Kihyun awoke the next morning, his very first thought was of the pain in his feet. It felt like he’d run a marathon on a pebbly beach. He sat up and groaned, immediately regretting it. It felt like there were a few pebbles rattling around in his head. Leaning back slightly, Kihyun gingerly reached over to check the time on his phone. 10:30a.m. Eight missed calls from Hyungwon. Five text messages.  
  
_Kihyun come back_

_You left your shoes, come back_

_Are you okay?_

_Dn’t ignore me_

_Call me when you get home, i’m worried._  
  
Bits and pieces of the night before flooded back into Kihyun’s brain. He winced with the pain of thinking, the memory of Wonho and then Hyungwon and then kissing. Kihyun licked his lips and swore he could still taste his best friend’s mouth. He felt sick.  
  
_i’m alive._ he replied to Hyungwon’s text quickly and then turned his phone off. Turning over, the queasy feeling only intensified and Kihyun squeezed his eyes closed, focusing on breathing deeply. He most definitely did not focus on how he missed Hyungwon already.  
  
-  
  
“The wanderer returns!”  
  
Kihyun cringed at the sound of Hyungwon’s voice behind him. He quickly stuffed some books into his locker and slammed the door shut. Taking a deep breath, Kihyun turned to face Hyungwon with a dazzling smile. “Hey.”  
  
“What happened to you the other night? You just took off and then I couldn’t get through to you,” Hyungwon said, falling in step with Kihyun as they walked towards the cafeteria for lunch.   
  
Kihyun had managed to avoid Hyungwon all morning. Apparently, Lady Luck wasn’t on his side for very long. He didn’t miss the way Hyungwon wouldn’t look at him as he spoke. Kihyun shrugged in reply.  
  
Hyungwon continued, “You know, about what happened, I think we should—“  
  
“Oh man, I was so wasted!” Kihyun cut in, trying his best to smile brightly. He was sure it looked fake as anything. “I woke up totally sick. What did I even drink? I can’t remember anything!”   
  
Hyungwon looked across at him sharply. Kihyun found he was holding his breath, terrified of being forced into talking about something he wasn’t ready for. He let out a silent sigh of relief when Hyungwon’s face softened and he looked away, laughing softly. “You were pretty drunk,” Hyungwon said. “I had to heave you up off the floor at one point.”  
  
Kihyun blushed from the memory. He didn’t want to know what Hyungwon probably thought of him. Drunk one minute, kissing him the next and then running away. Scratching his neck awkwardly, Kihyun said, “So how many girls did you make out with then? Pick anyone up?” He tried to smile properly.  
  
Hyungwon looked across at him again and shrugged. Kihyun felt his heart go a bit funny as their eyes made contact. “No one special,” Hyungwon said quietly. Kihyun’s smile faltered and he hated that the words stung. He nearly jumped a mile in the air when Wonho’s face appeared between them and a heavy weight clapped him on the shoulder.   
  
“Hey, how’s the happy couple?” Wonho practically yelled. Kihyun stumbled a bit from the weight of both Wonho’s body and his words.   
  
Hyungwon shrugged Wonho off irritably. “You should stop talking about us like that, hyung,” he muttered. “It’s stupid. I’ll see you later, Kihyun.” He walked off ahead of them without so much as a backward glance.   
  
Kihyun didn’t realise he’d stopped walking until Wonho nudged him further along the hallway. “Why did you say that?” he half-snapped, turning to face Wonho.  
  
Wonho stepped back and frowned. “But I thought… I know you said you weren’t going to tell him, but you looked so close just now.”  
  
“That’s because he’s my best friend,” Kihyun said incredulously. “And now you’ve put him in a bad mood.”  
  
Wonho stared at the hallway Hyungwon had disappeared down. “I know. He never gets that pissed off with me.” He twisted back and studied Kihyun with suspicion. “Did something happen between you two?”  
  
“No,” Kihyun lied. “You should stop going on about it because now you’ve annoyed Hyungwon as well.”  
  
Wonho blinked and Kihyun wanted to slap himself for the flicker of hurt in his friend’s eyes. “Sorry,” Wonho said. “Are you going to go after him? Or if you want to talk, I’m always—“  
  
“Just leave it!” Kihyun hissed, mindful of the other students around them. “Nothing happened. Forget I said anything to you, okay? I was drunk and talking crap.” He wanted to slap himself again immediately after speaking.   
  
“Okay,” Wonho said quietly. He smiled and Kihyun felt like the biggest bastard on the planet. “I’ll go bug Hyunwoo. Bye, Kihyun.”  
  
Kihyun watched him leave and cursed himself silently. “Hyung,” he tried to call out, but Wonho was too far away to hear him.   
  
He was definitely never drinking again.  
  
-  
  
When Kihyun got home from school that day, it was like sweet relief. He’d not really seen Hyungwon or Wonho since the little mishap at lunch. It was weird being by himself, Kihyun thought uncomfortably. He’d not really spent a school afternoon without Hyungwon since… ever. He shook his head to try and clear his thoughts away.   
  
_”It’s okay.”_  
  
Kihyun sighed at the memory and picked up his clarinet from the stand. They had a practice after school the next day and he hadn’t played at all over the weekend. The game was on Friday and they had to be prepared. He set his metronome going and began to play.   
  
  
  
That night, Kihyun dreamt about dark, dark rooms and the taste of Hyungwon’s mouth. Hyungwon was pressed up against him, laughing in his ear and sliding a hand into Kihyun’s pants. Kihyun arched into the touch, turning his head to kiss Hyungwon’s neck, jaw, mouth. “It’s okay,” Hyungwon whispered. Kihyun moaned and pushed his hips towards Hyungwon over and over and over until—  
  
  
  
—he woke up with a start, sitting up in bed and gasping for air. Looking down at his crotch, Kihyun groaned and rolled over moodily. His libido had certainly picked a fine time to show itself. But even as he tried to sleep, all he could think about was how warm Hyungwon was, even in dreams.  
  
-  
  
“Ready for practice?” Changkyun asked, walking alongside Kihyun towards the music department.   
  
Kihyun nodded and fixed Changkyun with a bright smile. “Always ready, Major Im.”  
  
Changkyun snorted and punched him on the shoulder. “Brown nosing will get you nowhere, Kihyun,” he said lightly. Kihyun watched his expression morph into a frown as they entered the practice room. Wonho was arguing loudly with one of the trumpets. “Why do I even put up with him?” Changkyun sighed.  
  
“Because he’s got the face of an angel and he keeps the girls coming to band?” Kihyun suggested, tongue-in-cheek.  
  
Changkyun spared him a withering glance and then strode off to sort Wonho out. Kihyun laughed. Then he noticed Hyungwon talking to Hyunwoo and the laugh died on his lips. Images from his dream flooded into his brain and Kihyun blushed fiercely. He watched Hyungwon run his fingers along the keys of his saxophone and a spark of firecracker lust made Kihyun’s stomach twist.   
  
“Kihyun?”   
  
Kihyun jumped as a tentative hand touched his arm. He turned and smiled shakily when Wonho smiled at him. “Wonho hyung.”  
  
“You okay?” Wonho asked, concern furrowing his brow. “You’ve gone all red.”  
  
Kihyun tried to control his blush and shrugged. “I’m okay. Look, I’m sorry for snapping at you yesterday. I was just…” he trailed off, eyes drifting once again to Hyungwon who was laughing at something Hyunwoo said.  
  
Wonho took Kihyun’s hand and pulled him away. Kihyun followed, ignoring the crease of sympathy on Wonho’s face. “It’s fine,” Wonho dismissed. He let go of Kihyun’s hand and smiled again. “You were right. It’s not fair of me to keep saying stuff like that. I’ll stop interfering.”  
  
Kihyun didn’t reply. Words were failing him as Hyungwon walked over to join them. Kihyun set about putting his clarinet together, focusing all his attentions on not scratching or splitting the reed.   
  
“Sup,” Hyungwon said, easing around one of the music stands to flop into the seat next to Kihyun.   
  
“That’s not where you sit,” Kihyun said. Hyungwon leant into him slightly and Kihyun found himself instantly awkward and fidgety. He couldn’t stop thinking about kissing Hyungwon on that dark sidewalk.   
  
Wonho must have noticed how uncomfortable Kihyun was. “You better shift, Hyungwon,” he whispered, pointing across the room. “I think Changkyun wants to get things started.   
  
Hyungwon glanced across the room and rolled his eyes. “That kid’s a slave driver, I swear. He’s not even the director,” he said, smiling at Kihyun. He winked and Kihyun tightened his ligature so hard that his reed snapped down the middle. “Careful!” Hyungwon admonished.  
  
Kihyun tried his best not to scowl as he quickly changed the reed. He was more annoyed at his own lack of self control than at Hyungwon.   
  
“Hey,” Hyungwon murmured, “you okay?” He reached out to touch Kihyun’s shoulder but Kihyun twisted and Hyungwon’s hand touched his cheek instead. Kihyun’s breath hitched despite himself.   
  
“Yes,” he said simply, trying to simultaneously smile and frown. “Just thinking about practice.”  
  
Hyungwon nodded and took his hand away. He shrugged and shuffled along a few seats to where he sat with the other saxophones. Kihyun inwardly sighed in relief. Being so awkward around Hyungwon was freaking him out, never mind the stupid dream that wouldn’t stop replaying in his head.  
  
“See you later,” Wonho said, standing up. His expression clearly read: I don’t buy your lies, boy.   
  
Kihyun managed to relax as everyone filed into their seats. The girl next to him smiled and Kihyun was able to give her a genuine smile back.   
  
As they began to play, Kihyun lost himself in the music all around him. He immersed himself in the sheet music in front of him, concentrating on playing all the right notes. He loved the way music fitted together, the way different instruments could harmonise and sound so smooth.   
  
Halfway through the second piece, Kihyun felt the unease of someone watching him. He turned his head slightly, despite knowing exactly who was watching. As soon as his gaze locked with Hyungwon’s smiling eyes, Kihyun couldn’t look away. Hyungwon barely blinked, made no other acknowledgement of Kihyun. He didn’t miss a single note. Kihyun tried to play on, half-distracted by Hyungwon’s lips around the mouthpiece, the slide of his fingers over the instrument. The saxophones had a break in the piece. Hyungwon slipped the instrument from his mouth and licked his lips. The air rushed out of Kihyun’s lungs. Their eyes were still locked and the intensity was squeezing his insides tight. He tried to breathe and pressed his fingers down too hard, a stream of bum notes squeaking out of his instrument. Mortified, he yanked the clarinet away from himself and looked at the floor.   
  
Kihyun was used to improvising when he was distracted, but Hyungwon was the only person who had ever stopped him playing.   
  
“Okay, stop,” the director half-yelled. “I don’t know what’s going on but everyone take ten to sort yourselves out. Yoo, go take a walk and think about your dedication to this band.”  
  
Kihyun felt his face burning with shame. He put the clarinet down carefully and picked his way across the cases and stands scattered across the floor. Once outside the room, he slumped against the wall and sighed loudly. The door opened next to him and Kihyun looked across warily. His mouth twisted when Wonho’s head poked out.   
  
“What’s going on, Kihyun? And don’t try to tell me you’re fine, because that little stunt you pulled in there proves that you’re not.”  
  
Kihyun pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. “Okay,” he said. “I’ll tell you, but not here.” He let his arms fall to his sides and nodded towards an empty practice room opposite. “In there, we’ve only got ten minutes.”  
  
Once inside the room, Wonho sat on a piano bench and looked at Kihyun. “Spill.”  
  
“I kissed him,” Kihyun blurted out, wincing even as he said it. “At the party. I told him I didn’t like you and then I kissed him. How could I have been so stupid?”  
  
Wonho’s face softened. “Did he kiss you back?”  
  
“Yes,” Kihyun answered, startled by the unexpected reaction. “But that’s not the point. He was drunk. I was _wasted_. He probably just kissed back because it’s second nature to him.”  
  
“What happened after you kissed him?”  
  
Kihyun closed his eyes and swallowed hard. “I ran away. He kept saying how it was okay but it wasn’t, not when we were drunk at some party. That’s not how I want to kiss him.” He opened his eyes and stared at a spot on the wall. “I told him I didn’t remember what happened.”  
  
“Oh, Kihyun,” Wonho muttered, standing up to hug Kihyun. “I was watching you all practice,” he whispered into Kihyun’s hair. “You’re all over the place today, going to pieces whenever Hyungwon looks at you.”  
  
“Don’t remind me,” Kihyun pleaded. He pushed Wonho away. “I hate being like this around him. I just want to be his best friend and hang out and… I sound like a girl. How does he do this to me?”  
  
Wonho chuckled. “Because you like him? You’re like two halves of a whole, you and Hyungwon. I know I said I’d stop, but are you sure he didn’t kiss back because he wanted to?”  
  
“Wonho,” Kihyun warned. “I can’t think of that. I just want things to go back to normal. I don’t want to dream about him and then blush every time he talks to me.”  
  
Wonho made a noise of frustration and then sighed. “Of course. I understand, I do. Look, if you want some normality then I’m having some people over tomorrow evening to do homework. By which I mean to play videogames and eat junk food.”   
  
Kihyun laughed, surprised when it came naturally. “Is Hyungwon going to be there?”  
  
“Yes.” Wonho smiled and moved towards the door. He paused as his fingers touched the handle. “Just tell me this… in spite of the setting, was it a good kiss?”  
  
Kihyun remembered Hyungwon’s arms around him, the warmth of his mouth. “Yes,” he whispered. “It was the perfect first kiss.”  
  
-  
  
Kihyun met Hyunwoo on the way to Wonho’s house the day after. It was nice to catch up after a few days of not really talking to anyone except Wonho. Hyunwoo told him about the girl he was thinking of asking out. Kihyun refused to acknowledge the pang of _something_ in his gut. He knew that despite all their bickering, Wonho had a crush on Hyunwoo. He smiled at Hyunwoo and said he should go for it.   
  
“So where have you been hiding?” Hyunwoo asked as they turned a final corner before Wonho’s house. “I haven’t seen much of you this week.”  
  
Kihyun shrugged. “I’ve just been caught up thinking about the game on Friday. I don’t want to mess up like I did in practice yesterday.”  
  
Hyunwoo pulled him into an awkward half-hug as they walked. “You’ll be fine, Kihyun. You’re one of the most talented musicians I know. Well, you and Hyungwon.”  
  
“Don’t let Wonho hear you say that,” Kihyun joked.   
  
“Let me hear you say what?” Wonho said, leaning out of his front door as they approached the house.   
  
“Hyunwoo hyung said that I’m better looking,” Kihyun said gravely. “Sorry, Wonho.”  
  
Wonho laughed behind one hand and waved them in. “I think I can accept defeat to you, sweet cheeks.”  
  
“Who are you calling sweet cheeks?” Hyungwon mumbled, wandering out of Wonho’s kitchen and sucking moodily on the straw in a juicebox. Kihyun had to stop himself from smiling at the adorable image it made.   
  
“Kihyun,” Wonho answered. “Hyunwoo thinks he’s good looking, apparently.”  
  
“Ha!” Hyungwon exclaimed, separating himself from the juicebox. “Kihyun is ugly and he knows it. Come on, I’ve got the X-Box set up and I’m going to kick your sorry little ass.”  
  
Kihyun grinned as he toed his shoes off. “You’re on, loser. Get ready for the beating of the century.”  
  
Wonho hassled Hyunwoo into the kitchen to get a drink and Kihyun settled down next to Hyungwon. Needless to say, he completely destroyed Hyungwon three times in a row and even managed to top Wonho’s high score.  
  
“He’s going to kill you for that,” Hyungwon said, seemingly cheering up at the thought of Kihyun’s demise, despite his own defeat. “It was nice knowing you.”  
  
Kihyun kicked Hyungwon in the foot. “Whatever.” Hyungwon kicked Kihyun back and stuck his tongue out. Kihyun snorted and pushed him. “You’re stupid.”  
  
Hyungwon pushed back and in evolved into a full-on playfight. Kihyun yelled as Hyungwon smacked him in the face with a cushion. He thought back to that night the week before and smiled to himself. In less than a week, he’d missed being stupid with Hyungwon more than he imagined. He twisted around and tickled Hyungwon’s ribs, right where they were the most sensitive and Hyungwon would curl up and giggle himself silly.   
  
“Sneaky!” Hyungwon gasped, trying to wriggle away from Kihyun. He shoved at Kihyun with his shoulder and Kihyun fell flat back on the couch. “Leave me aloooone,” Hyungwon whined pitifully. He tried to escape Kihyun’s grasp. His foot got caught the hem of his pant leg and Kihyun watched in suddenly-horrified slow motion as Hyungwon fell on top of him. The impact of Hyungwon’s weight knocked the air out of his lungs.   
  
Kihyun coughed and Hyungwon pushed himself up on one hand. Kihyun felt a puff of air against his cheek and then he looked up to find Hyungwon’s face very close to his own. Hyungwon had the deepest eyes Kihyun had ever seen. They were dark and Kihyun swore he could see tiny flecks of gold.   
  
“Kihyun,” Hyungwon hummed.   
  
Kihyun lowered his gaze to Hyungwon’s mouth. He could feel the rise and fall of their chests, was sure Hyungwon could feel or hear his rapid heartbeat. He was talking, but all Kihyun could focus on was the perfectly pink curve of Hyungwon’s lower lip. _I can’t help myself,_ he thought to himself, lifting his face up and closing his eyes, _I hate you because I want you and I can’t help myself._  
  
And then there was nothing but cold air running over his body as Hyungwon scrambled up. Kihyun’s eyes flew open, embarrassment and fear washing over him. Hyungwon ran a hand through his hair and fled the room before Kihyun could even begin to explain.   
  
When Wonho came in, he took one look at Kihyun with his face buried in the couch and sighed. “This has got to stop,” he said quietly. “I’ll get you a soda.”  
  
Kihyun tried his very best to choke himself on the soft material, and refused to give in to the prickling behind his eyelids.  
  
-  
  
The day of the game sent a buzz of excitement through the school. Kihyun had ignored Hyungwon completely since the afternoon at Wonho’s house. The sting of humiliation was still too fresh in his mind. He chided himself bitterly for thinking that everything would be better after a few rounds on the X-Box. And to try kissing Hyungwon again, after all the previous denial. Kihyun was stupid and Hyungwon was clearly anything but interested. Kihyun wanted to erase the painful memory forever, but of course he couldn’t think of anything else. Wonho had comforted Kihyun the best he could. Kihyun was thankful for Wonho, who hadn’t told Hyunwoo a single thing and just sent him home. Wonho who told Kihyun that he had to talk to Hyungwon about it before their friendship was damaged any further. Kihyun didn’t want to do anything of the sort. He’d never been good at talking and the thought of talking about _that_ made him feel sick to the stomach.   
  
Kihyun changed into his band uniform early and went to sit by the football field. He wanted to avoid as many people as possibly – one person in particular – before the game and the band performance. He stared across the field, absently pulling up handfuls of grass and scattering them around him. He knew highschool was meant to be hell, but he’d never imagined losing his best friend.   
  
“Hyunwoo told me he’d seen you out here.”  
  
Kihyun froze, torn blades of grass spilling slowly from his palm. Hyungwon sat down next to him and stared up at the sky. Kihyun didn’t dare breathe, let alone move.   
  
“How are you?” Hyungwon asked, lowering his head to look across at Kihyun.   
  
Kihyun steadfastly stared at the ground. “Fine. You?”  
  
“I’m not fine,” Hyungwon sighed, “because you won’t talk to me.”  
  
Kihyun’s head jerked up in surprise. He looked at Hyungwon and felt heat flush his face. “What do you mean? I’m talking to you right now. I’ve just—“  
  
“Kihyun,” Hyungwon interrupted. “We need to sort this out.”  
  
“There’s nothing to sort out,” Kihyun said. “I don’t know what you mean.”  
  
“Don’t do that,” Hyungwon said quietly. He hunched over his knees and picked at a thread on his jeans. “Don’t keep denying everything. We need to talk.”  
  
Kihyun hated the pull on his heart as he watched Hyungwon. “We are talking.”  
  
Hyungwon’s fists clenched against his knees. “For heaven’s sake, Kihyun. If you don’t want to talk for the sake of our friendship, then at least do it for band. We need to get on and we can’t afford any mistakes tonight.”   
  
Kihyun opened his mouth to protest, but found that he couldn’t. Hyungwon was right, as much as he was loathing to admit it. If everything else went to pot, they at least had to communicate through music.   
  
Hyungwon stood up abruptly and extended his hand towards Kihyun. Kihyun blinked at him stupidly. “Come on,” Hyungwon said. “We’re going to talk about this even if it kills us. But not here.”  
  
Kihyun batted Hyungwon’s hand away but stood and followed Hyungwon across the field. He raised an eyebrow when he saw where Hyungwon was leading them. “The bleachers? Not exactly private.”  
  
“No one’s out here,” Hyungwon argued. “And it’s close enough in case we need to get back to band.”  
  
Kihyun rolled his eyes but cooperated as Hyungwon ducked his head to sit under the bleachers. The ground was warm and dry. They sat opposite each other, knees barely kissing, and Kihyun felt suddenly awkward all over again. There was silence for a few long minutes.   
  
“Why did you kiss me at the party?” Hyungwon questioned. His voice was low and soothing.   
  
“I didn’t,” Kihyun said out of sheer panic. “I told you I don’t remember anything. I was drunk.”  
  
“Bullshit,” Hyungwon spat. Kihyun startled from the shock of Hyungwon’s uncharacteristic anger. “I know you remember. Stop lying to me, Kihyun. When did you start lying to me?”  
  
Hyungwon’s voice was so full of genuine anguish that Kihyun couldn’t bring himself to lie anymore. He was tired of it and he wanted Hyungwon back so much that it hurt. “Fine,” he admitted, “I kissed you. I wanted to kiss you. I was so mad that you thought I liked Wonho. So mad that you couldn’t see how much I liked you, so I just kissed you. I remember every single second of it because I didn’t feel drunk at all. Happy?” Kihyun thought that he was going to throw up, or maybe pass out. Hyungwon was deathly silent, only adding to Kihyun’s anxiety. “Okay, well now that I just screwed everything up and we’ve talked, I’m going to go.” He made to stand up but was halted by Hyungwon’s hand on his arm.  
  
“Kihyun, it’s okay.”  
  
Kihyun sat back down immediately. The weight of those words pushing down on him. “Why do you keep saying that?” he whispered. “How is it okay that I was your best friend and I kissed you? That I like you.”  
  
“It’s okay,” Hyungwon said loudly, “because I kissed you back. Because I like you too.”  
  
Kihyun stared at him in shock. “What?”  
  
“I kissed you back, you freak.” Hyungwon smiled and touched Kihyun’s knee. “Didn’t you notice or something? I mean, you must have felt… you know.”  
  
Kihyun remembered groaning at the friction of their bodies. They both blushed. “Yeah,” he mumbled. “I did.” He tilted his head and frowned at Hyungwon. “But you said you didn’t kiss anyone special. Then you ignored me, called me ugly and ran away when I tried to kiss you again. I’m just confused, Hyungwon.”  
  
Hyungwon had the decency to look embarrassed. “I said I didn’t kiss any special girls, I think you’re gorgeous and I didn’t want to take advantage of you while you were still in denial.”  
  
Kihyun’s jaw nearly dropped. Mostly from indignation at being called ‘gorgeous’. “So you decided to just leave me there feeling humiliated?”  
  
Hyungwon’s face crumpled. “Kihyun, I didn’t. That’s not what I meant to do at all. I just panicked. I wanted to kiss you so bad but I didn’t think I could bear it if _you_ ran away from me again.”  
  
Kihyun rubbed his hands over his tired face. “This is so stupid,” he muttered through his fingers. “We should just forget it.” He jumped as Hyungwon’s fingers pried at his own and laced them together, bringing their joined hands down to rest against their knees.   
  
“You like me, right?” Hyungwon inquired gently. Kihyun nodded, a blush creeping up his neck. “And I like you. Is that worth forgetting?”  
  
Kihyun shrugged. “But what can we be, Hyungwon? Friends with benefits? Boyfriends? Doesn’t it all sound a bit ridiculous? I couldn’t touch you in public.”  
  
Hyungwon’s grip tightened on Kihyun’s hand. “I don’t want to be either of those things,” he said firmly.  
  
“Well there you go,” Kihyun said. He couldn’t help the sinking of his heart. “I guess we’re sorted.”  
  
“No we’re not,” Hyungwon countered, shaking his head. “I don’t want to be friends with benefits. I couldn’t treat you like that. And you’re right, boyfriend does sound a little ridiculous. There’d be no touching in public because I’d want to keep you all to myself in private.” He smiled and Kihyun couldn’t help but mirror it.   
  
“Then what are we?”   
  
Hyungwon’s smile grew sweeter. “I’m Chae Hyungwon and you’re Yoo Kihyun. At the base of everything, we’re best friends. But I want to be Yoo Kihyun’s Chae Hyungwon. And if you want to be Chae Hyungwon’s Yoo Kihyun, then that would be even better.”  
  
Kihyun laughed. “You’re so cheesy and disgusting.”  
  
“Is that a yes?” Hyungwon asked hopefully.   
  
Kihyun smiled. “I don’t know.”  
  
Hyungwon appeared to contemplate the answer for a second, then, “Can I kiss you?”  
  
Kihyun’s smile widened. “Yes.”  
  
“Come here,” Hyungwon requested. He pulled at Kihyun until he was straddling Hyungwon’s lap. “Kiss me like you did last week.”  
  
Kihyun closed his eyes and leant in. Hyungwon’s mouth was just as warm and accommodating as he remembered. They kissed sweet and slow, learning new things about each other with every press of lip and tongue. Kihyun slid his hands into Hyungwon’s hair and tipped his head back, deepening the kiss. He pulled back and studied Hyungwon seriously.  
  
“Is that a yes?” Hyungwon said, breathless.  
  
Kihyun pretended to think. “I guess so.”   
  
Hyungwon’s answering smile was so happy that Kihyun could barely stand to see it. So instead, he kissed Hyungwon again. And again, and again.   
  
  
  
  
Later, as the band marched and played, Kihyun glanced across at Hyungwon. Their eyes met, faces smiling without their mouths. And all Kihyun could think was, _I get to kiss that mouth as much as I want_. He supposed that getting hurt was worth it, because in the end, he had friendship.  
  
And love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and comments are much appreciated. ^^


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